Why Relationships Are Like Tuna

I love tuna.  Not everyone does, but I know most people do.  I've never eaten whale, and I don't know anyone who has.  So, what does that have to do with networking?    

My friend Beth Bridges, who is a a networking expert, put out a question today on her Facebook page (see link below) regarding networking and what it should be all about.  There are different opinions about what it is, but her opinion on networking was this:  

"The difference between networking and sales is that with networking, you interact with someone as if you don't care whether or not the relationship leads to a sale."  

This is quite true.

Yet in all my different lines of business, networking is essential if I want to make an income. It would seem a waste of time if all I did was network and not make any money.  Then, I'd have to get a job and I wouldn't have time to network except with those I'm around all day, which may be 5-10 people, and then I'd get fired for just shmoozing with people and not working, and then I'd have more time to network, but I'd have to get another job because...and so on.

But I don't want to network for the purpose of making a sale only.  I know people that do that and while they may be nice people, they show little interest in me or my concerns.  They're only interested in me if I can put money in their pocket.  I don't want to be like that either.

My dad used to ask me years ago, when I was in the insurance business:  "How'd it go today?"

 I'd say, "I met a lot of nice people."

"So, you didn't make any money, then."

"Uh, no."  

I wound up caring if the relationship led to a sale.  I got discouraged, and eventually quit.  I liked meeting people, but I wasn't getting anywhere.

So what's networking all about for me?  Well, I used to hunt whale, and now I catch tuna.

Huh?

Whales versus tuna.  That's how I look at networking.  I really wasn't sure how I came up with this analogy but it really illustrates the impetus that got me going in this direction.  

When I look at people who network, there are two types of networkers that I see.  I look at them as captains of a boat, some who hunt whale, and others who fish for tuna.

They operate their own business, they have their own crew (or team), they're motivated in that they have to get out on the water in order to make a living.  

So let's say I'm a whaling captain...the type of networker who looks for whales.  Just as whales are large, so are people: with status, large spheres of influence, money, many friends, popularity, and so on.  As I work a networking function, looking for whales, I'll talk to one person who's just there to meet a couple of people.  This person has no business interest of any kind, so I'll quickly make small talk and look for a way out of the conversation as I look for my whale, flip the person a business card while breaking it off  in order to attack my whale once it enters the room, in order to be able to rub fins, er, elbows, with the whale.  It might pay off, but most of the time it won't.

So I catch a whale, and then what?  I have to eat the whale.  How can I eat a whale?  I take bites out of it, continually poking at it, as it writhes in agony from my prodding and picking, trying to get another referral, or sale, or whatever it is I can out of it.  

Whales aren't always a good bet.  If you know the story of Captain Ahab and Moby Dick, you'll know that it didn't end well for him as he went after the poor whale.  Ahab was so hellbent on catching that whale that he and his ship went down, including Starbuck, his mate.  

By the way, Starbuck, Starbuck's Coffee...yeah, that's how they got their name.  Pequod (the boat) was the first idea, but "meeting at Pequod's" doesn't have the same feel.  

That all being said, it's pretty obvious I'm a tuna boat captain.  

As a tuna captain, I'm the the networker who is looking for as many tuna as I can.  As I said, I love tuna.  In fact, I love all my tuna.  Tuna are the people that are like me and you.  Yet, I know that there can't be any success by pulling one tuna in my net, and calling it a day, so I need a lot of tuna for a good day.  Plus, I can't eat all my tuna right away, but I do have enough tuna to last me for the day and the rest I can store down in the hold for awhile.  Tuna are easier to store below deck.  You fill up the hold with water and they just swim in there until I need one, and then another, and then another. Meanwhile I keep adding tuna to the hold for later on. Now, once in a while, there will be a dolphin who will come along and get caught in my net. Dolphins are like those people who aren't very responsive to any type of approach that I may use to network with them. I cut them out of the net and send them on their way with very little trauma to me or the dolphin. Then, I continue to catch tuna and filling my bin.

What's happening to my whale?  He's up on deck, hanging from a hook, as it gets picked away for more referrals, sales, blah, blah, blah...and now its starting to smell.

My tuna?  In the water down in the hold, swimming along happily, until I need it.  

So, what's my bait?  Genuine interest in people has created a catch of tuna for me over the years.  I maintained relationships with a lot of them, and a lot of them are helping me in my latest project.  

What do I use for a net?  I love on them all.  I treat them as if they are my own kids, remembering every detail I can about them, and just care about them.  As for the tuna which offers no business interest, I don't think of tossing this tuna back -- I keep them in my hold so my tuna never goes bad.  I say hi to them on Facebook, I give them a Happy Birthday greeting, I call them, I take a few minutes if I bump into them.  I'll set time to have coffee or lunch with them.  You see, even if there is no actual business potential with that tuna, then what I have is a friend, which is what I'm really what I'm trying to fill my net with all along...friends.

If I hunt whale, I have to use a harpoon or a gun, and no bait.  There is no incentive for that whale to swim in my direction.  Plus I won't have Greenpeace hassling me, or fighting off other whale hunters.  It's an ugly business and very unpopular in the world.
  

So are tuna better than whales?  No.  But you'll get along further by catching tuna, than hunting whale.  And there will be a time when I bump into a whale as I catch my tuna.  If I'm in my tuna boat, and a whale bumps into me, what does the whale do?  It stays for awhile, swimming alongside my boat, building a relationship because it likes me, as I'm not interested in eating it slowly, but have it in my hold and allow it to swim with my tuna.  It'll be a tight fit, but I have a big boat.  

Had I treated my contacts like tuna years ago, I would have been successful in the insurance business.  I just didn't give it enough time.  But that's water under the bridge, or in the hold.

The irony of this is that by fishing for tuna, building a network, and now having all these new friends in your circle, combined with your success in business, along with your increasing popularity...you'll become a whale yourself, and now other whales will now love you, and it'll be easier for you to network because now you can now catch whales along with your tuna. Just watch out for those harpoons!  

Go out and make it a great day!

John

For information on Beth Bridges and her Networking Motivator website, click here to sign up for her newsletter!

Another Brick In The Wall

When I started this blog, my purpose was to give something to help others as I helped myself. I write this not from a point of expertise, but as one who is overcoming, going through the battle like others.  It's much simpler to be candid with people rather than trying to impress them with the facade of "having it all together" in order to have credibility.

So now that you know I have no credibility, I want to share one of the biggest challenges for me:  negative self-talk, or the thoughts that run around in my head.

By nature, I'm not a negative person, but by that same nature, I'm not a super-positive person, and I'll address that more in a few minutes.

I'm not a person who sits around and says things like, "I'm a loser," or "I'll never make it." However, I wish I can say I've never said that.  In the first two years of my marriage, my poor wife had to listen to me beat myself up all the time, because of my inability to handle my failures.

I know she must have been thinking, "Wow, what a winner I married."

It didn't last forever.  When I was in my early 20's, I learned about self-talk and how harmful it was to myself and to others.  Since then, I've made efforts to be more positive in what I say, especially to others. For the most part, it's worked okay.  At least I stopped calling myself a loser.  But I'd have to grade myself with a C-plus in that area because I can do better, and I'm not a super-positive person, as I mentioned before.

My past challenges - lousy job, no job, no money, lack of material success, health issues, unaccomplished goals, not enough education, no purpose in life, family issues - affected what I allow my mind to hear, but what I failed to understand that it's up to me to keep that gate of negativity closed and fortified.

Speaking of gates, if I can offer a brief history lesson, the Great Wall of China was built to withstand armies that ventured an attack, yet history shows that in breaching the Wall, it was determined that the Wall was not breached by any type of military strategy, but merely by bribing a guard at the Wall.  The Wall was vulnerable from the inside.

Our minds are like the Wall - powerful enough to withstand anything negative that may try to enter, but it's vulnerable from the inside when we allow it to take place.

Here's what I'm doing, which works for me:

First, I have to decide each day which attitude that I'm going to have that day.  The junk is going to happen anyway; however, learning to be positive through it will provide a resource that I didn't know I had to overcome the junk.

I find ways to keep busy.  Even though I do a lot of work on the computer, I have to take a break and get away for awhile.  I force myself to get out and get some fresh air.  A phone call to a friend or from a friend helps me to get the junk out of my head.

When my train of thought is talking smack to me, I take charge of it and say "no" and move on.

I'm honest when people ask me how things are in my life.  I don't get negative, but I don't lie about it.  Trying to put on a facade is too much stress for me, as I feel like I'm lying.  I may be broke, but I'm overcoming it.  I may be struggling health-wise, but I'm getting better.  Whatever it is, it is, but it's getting better each day. And that is the truth...and the truth will set you free, right?

I start pay attention to triggers that will set me off.  There are places, people, or situations which cause me to start the downward trend.  Understanding what causes the trigger helps.  My brother, for example, knows which buttons to push to drive me nuts, but when I learned years ago how he's just like any other younger brother who likes to push buttons, and that he's not being malicious when he does it, and that he loves his big brother, in fact, idolizes his better-looking and smarter big brother (yeah, I know which buttons to push too), I don't get mad...most of the time.

I pray throughout the day.  Even if it's just a ten-second prayer, I acknowledge that God has my back, and my past failures are what's needed to achieve tomorrow's successes.  I have a lot of ten-second prayers throughout the day.

And, finally, in addition to defending the wall, I fortify my wall by using positive affirmations, scripture study, memorization and recitation, reading books on success, and just becoming a student on the subject of success and motivation.  .

I'm committed to doing something each day.  Blogging, exercise, reading, networking, studying...they all add up to making my life better each day.  I'm very excited for this year as I know it's going to be fantastic looking back on the growth that I will have made.  My goal this year is to have 365 great days!  I hope you do too!

So, go out and make it a great day!

John