Another Brick In The Wall

When I started this blog, my purpose was to give something to help others as I helped myself. I write this not from a point of expertise, but as one who is overcoming, going through the battle like others.  It's much simpler to be candid with people rather than trying to impress them with the facade of "having it all together" in order to have credibility.

So now that you know I have no credibility, I want to share one of the biggest challenges for me:  negative self-talk, or the thoughts that run around in my head.

By nature, I'm not a negative person, but by that same nature, I'm not a super-positive person, and I'll address that more in a few minutes.

I'm not a person who sits around and says things like, "I'm a loser," or "I'll never make it." However, I wish I can say I've never said that.  In the first two years of my marriage, my poor wife had to listen to me beat myself up all the time, because of my inability to handle my failures.

I know she must have been thinking, "Wow, what a winner I married."

It didn't last forever.  When I was in my early 20's, I learned about self-talk and how harmful it was to myself and to others.  Since then, I've made efforts to be more positive in what I say, especially to others. For the most part, it's worked okay.  At least I stopped calling myself a loser.  But I'd have to grade myself with a C-plus in that area because I can do better, and I'm not a super-positive person, as I mentioned before.

My past challenges - lousy job, no job, no money, lack of material success, health issues, unaccomplished goals, not enough education, no purpose in life, family issues - affected what I allow my mind to hear, but what I failed to understand that it's up to me to keep that gate of negativity closed and fortified.

Speaking of gates, if I can offer a brief history lesson, the Great Wall of China was built to withstand armies that ventured an attack, yet history shows that in breaching the Wall, it was determined that the Wall was not breached by any type of military strategy, but merely by bribing a guard at the Wall.  The Wall was vulnerable from the inside.

Our minds are like the Wall - powerful enough to withstand anything negative that may try to enter, but it's vulnerable from the inside when we allow it to take place.

Here's what I'm doing, which works for me:

First, I have to decide each day which attitude that I'm going to have that day.  The junk is going to happen anyway; however, learning to be positive through it will provide a resource that I didn't know I had to overcome the junk.

I find ways to keep busy.  Even though I do a lot of work on the computer, I have to take a break and get away for awhile.  I force myself to get out and get some fresh air.  A phone call to a friend or from a friend helps me to get the junk out of my head.

When my train of thought is talking smack to me, I take charge of it and say "no" and move on.

I'm honest when people ask me how things are in my life.  I don't get negative, but I don't lie about it.  Trying to put on a facade is too much stress for me, as I feel like I'm lying.  I may be broke, but I'm overcoming it.  I may be struggling health-wise, but I'm getting better.  Whatever it is, it is, but it's getting better each day. And that is the truth...and the truth will set you free, right?

I start pay attention to triggers that will set me off.  There are places, people, or situations which cause me to start the downward trend.  Understanding what causes the trigger helps.  My brother, for example, knows which buttons to push to drive me nuts, but when I learned years ago how he's just like any other younger brother who likes to push buttons, and that he's not being malicious when he does it, and that he loves his big brother, in fact, idolizes his better-looking and smarter big brother (yeah, I know which buttons to push too), I don't get mad...most of the time.

I pray throughout the day.  Even if it's just a ten-second prayer, I acknowledge that God has my back, and my past failures are what's needed to achieve tomorrow's successes.  I have a lot of ten-second prayers throughout the day.

And, finally, in addition to defending the wall, I fortify my wall by using positive affirmations, scripture study, memorization and recitation, reading books on success, and just becoming a student on the subject of success and motivation.  .

I'm committed to doing something each day.  Blogging, exercise, reading, networking, studying...they all add up to making my life better each day.  I'm very excited for this year as I know it's going to be fantastic looking back on the growth that I will have made.  My goal this year is to have 365 great days!  I hope you do too!

So, go out and make it a great day!

John